Today was a wierd day at the doctor's. First, I drove myself with my drains and didn't love that. I got taken to a room by a georgous girl (this sunny and beautiful second office seems to dispense with the lab coats so it was unclear why a georgeous girl was leading me places) and I told her I liked her dress- and asked her where she got it (Ann Taylor- last year- but they have a similar one now). Turns out she is a highly skilled nurse and she came back later telling me that the doctor told her to come in and look at me. She looked like how I used to look before- she had breasts, a cute blonde bob, a classy dress, the David Yurman bracelets I love, the works. Me on a good day, or so I like to think. I was in a target sweatshirt with a crazy pattern (to draw the eye away from the fact that I look pregnant when all the drains are pinned to the uni-bra stuffed with gauze - making the drains look sort of like ornaments pinned to the advent calendar. Except grosser. By far. Anyway, once she declared herself as a nurse qualified to do something and once she started checking out my surgery site, I found myself apologizing - I actually said: "sorry, I used to be an Ann Taylor-wearing classy person who shaves her arms and takes showers and wears make-up." I then started in on my main question: drain removal. I have been TRAUMATIZED ever since a doctor told me quite cavalierly that the way they take them out is to pull. She didn't mention anesthesia at the time either. So I asked: and she told me some stupid line about how people who are worried don't really notice once you do it. Which flies in the face of what one guy told me about his drains- he said removal was the freakiest thing. I tell you, I can feel the drain tubes that are like 10 inches inside me and 10 inches away from the exit spot so doesn't that mean I will feel 10 inches of them leaving???? I told the doctor later that I have been a VERY good sport. Very. So could I please make a fuss right here and insist that drain removal be done under anesthesia. I told him I would pay. cash. This is not an insurance thing- don't brush me off with regulations. They have the goods and I have the money (or so I think since I am not looking). He said no way. Drain removal is now up there with childbirth and break-ups. What I mean is this: you only get to it when the pain of doing it is high but less than the pain of not doing it. And like break-ups (and unlike childbirth) you don't get drugs. Some days I just get tired of being "tough."
I am tired of typing but I didn't even get to the discussion about swimming, deoderant, or the Allman Brothers. Later.
